well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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