we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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