at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
