The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
