eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
