Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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