Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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