while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
