the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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