hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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