his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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