i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize