Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
