You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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