thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
