Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
