had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
