a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
