She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
