Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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