Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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