If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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