The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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