my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
