He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
