I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
