We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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