Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Shame is for Republicans.
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