she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Randomize
