one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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