i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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