He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
