I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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