I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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