God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
