census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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