I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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