it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
