apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
