Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
