the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
