A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
