Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
