Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
