All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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