As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
