Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
She bit a glass in half.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
