There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize