What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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