Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
