I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize