We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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