i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Can you bring me the toilet please
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
