If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
