Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
And then my night got REAL pukey
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
