so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
