Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
