I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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