A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
