So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
