just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
