I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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