I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
