her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
