do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
