im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
