1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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