Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
