dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
