I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
