we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
