dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
