My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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