So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
