remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
