She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
