i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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