Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
