New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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