its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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