i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So much rum. So many feels.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
