why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
