i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Randomize
