Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
