I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
