he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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