my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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