Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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