that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
is that a dick in a sweater?
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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