Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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