all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
