your parents love me but you hate me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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