I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
