I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
