don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
