This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
You took a bar mat shot.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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