yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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