i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
