I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize