I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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