I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
